Vegetables
image by viZZZual.com 

So I was super excited about watching the premiere of Chopped last night.  I’ve got my glass of wine and am snuggling with my beau when he says it, “I think this show is going to suck”.  Of course I got a little defensive, I was all set to love this show.  Cooking competition, mystery ingredients, guest judges and the adorable Ted Allen were set to make a delish little stew of a show.  Um, afraid not. 

By the end of Ted Allen’s intro I was too depressed to finish my wine.  He sounded like a nerdy Robocop, you could watch his eyes reading the prompter.  Not a good start.  The only geek host I want to see is Alton Brown on Iron Chef America, Ted needs to realize that.   AND they kept pimping his Food Detectives during the break.  A second season?  Did people watch the first?  Seriously, I wanna know!   The guest judges were okay, but I would expect to see the same panel at a food festival, not on network tv.  Don’t remember a one of them except Alexandra Guarnaschelli, whose show I have yet to watch, I’m not even sure if it’s aired.  I’ve seen her compete in FoodNetwork challenges and I fear you’re not missin’ much there either. 

The contestants were boring, with the exception of the Texan chef who was the oldest contestant and quite sweet. (old, southern and gay is a great combo if I’ve ever seen one)  He ended up winning.  The others were a vegan chef, the “rock and roll” chef (he had long hair and sideburns, he looked like a tool), and the pastry chef.  I don’t remember their names and how could you be expected to?  Three 30 minute rounds (starter, entree, dessert) and a basket of secret ingredients for each one was enough to keep you occupied.  The premise could have been executed really well had it not been like Amateur Night at the Apollo for cooking.  Yeah, yeah I’m sure these chefs are really great and sweet and whatever other bullshit people can come up with, but when it comes down to it, it was a pitiful display of culinary prowess.  

I vaguely remember the rock and roll chef from the episode of Top Chef where they are judged by the New York chefs who didn’t make it.   He was one of those saying he could do it better.  Dude, you couldn’t even hack a one shot show.  Leave Top Chef for people who have skills or at least personality. 

Each round someone got chopped and I was glad to see them go.  Picking the best dish was like picking the prettiest dandelion out of the weeds.  The winner received $10,000 and he barely broke a sweat.  I’m gonna keep watching though, maybe it’ll get better? (snort)  I have to hope that FoodNetwork isn’t stinking the pits THIS bad.

One thing I did get out of the show was a good night’s sleep.  That show was a fucking snooze fest.

Update: Just caught part of the Top Chef marathon and the rock and roll tool WAS on the show. He was all dressed up to go and make a fool of himself on television. He made the very gracious comment that he thought the food sounded like crap. Hope you found a cure for your foot in mouth disease.

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