FoodiePop

image by michaelwhays

I haven’t posted about anything because I have a bunch of excuses. But after watching the Top Chef finale, I feel I have to. I think the characters from this season were great. They were charming and weird and stubborn and did stupid shit and were peculiar looking. Like me! One of the best parts of the finale for me was having Richard Blais back. I read his blog on Bravo and think he is the cat’s pajamas. The food was what it was. Every finale Tom says cook us the best meal of your life. I’m sorry, raw fish is not on my list of things I want to have in the best meal of my life. Now I’m also not a trained chef and I really like Chef Boyardee. so take what you want from that. Stefan is a great villain, but watching him comfort a crying Carla melted my frozen heart. A little. Maybe when he grew in body weight, his heart got bigger as well. Like no one else saw how chub he got when they came back for the finale.

Why do they keep bringing back Rocco? Yuck. And his comment about how he is tired of eating foie gras, dude, not all of us are having it thrown at us for every meal. Is there a goose fairy granting food wishes all the time? Toby Young was back and I don’t think anyone cared. If they bring him back next season I am starting a petition, or writing some really nasty shit on the web. Listening to him has become painful. Gail was busting out the married cleavage and it was nice to have her back for the two part finale.

I feel like I should talk more about the food. Looking back it was Hosea’s challenge to win. He is a seafood chef and so much of the finale was based around those ingredients and cuisine of New Orleans. The surprise twist worked in his favour and he really did cook some really nice food. He payed homage to the region which I found really thoughtful. Carla, sigh. I wish she could have executed everything better, but she seemed to have accomplished the most that she could. She was a breath of fresh air in the world of reality tv. I miss her already. Stefan was… Stefan. He cooked well and was arrogant. Done and done.

I feel the show has lost it’s luster for me. The super product placement and Padma’s presence was enough nonsense to stifle a rhino. I hope the next season brings the laughs and skill. Farewell Top Chef, but hopefully farewell Toby and crappy cameos.

 image by Rhys Jones Photography

Yesterday was no me gusta, no me gusta indeed. I had decided to eat the rest of my delicious cheeseburger with no longer crispy chips. Apparently breathing and eating are two things I can’t do at the same time. I almost choked to death on my lunch. Alone. I had to run into the couch to get the stuff out of my throat, after which I threw up on the floor. I cleaned my mess and then I finished the rest of the burger. It still tasted pretty good.

While recovering I decided to start taping one of the spare rooms we are painting. Yeah… that didn’t work out to well either. I am 5′1″. I need a step stool. But falling off of the step stool was not in the cards. I was done. I curled up and died a little on the couch.

Later that night Beau was sweet enough to take me out for some cheer me up drinks. Woo I am a cheap date now!! I can usually put away close to a dozen in a night. I made it to 3 before I felt like I was going to up chuck. It was nice to be out and I was strong enough to not order any bar food. This girl likes her bar food.

I woke up this morning feeling different. I had a bitchin headache, but I was in a great mood. Then I went to get a snack and I am now laid up with a sprained knee. I tripped and stumbled down the stairs. I need rubber soles on my feet. Happy Friday and stay safe.

image by ewen and donabel

My dreams have finally come true. Last night I ate a cheeseburger, okay a half of one. With chips though! Beau and I went to the Lion’s Tap in our hood because the web told me too. Apparently they were ranked high for best burger in the Twin Cities. And they were right, damn they were right. It was everything I thought it would be. (sigh) Regardless, the healthy eating has not stopped. I have been cooking with a vengeance. I have a bunch of pics and recipes to post, so when I can pull my shit together I will do so. For some reason I have been falling into shit and choking on leftovers. Today is a dangerous day for some reason. I am going to go play in a padded room.

Changing your lifestyle is not something to be taken lightly.  When I met the Beau, I was a crazy drinker and could drink him under the table like the sissy he was.  Now our tolerances have met in the middle and I still fall down for no reason, drunk or not.  I changed that part of my life to make room for him and also because no human being wants to cuddle a gal who smells like whiskey… a lot.  Cooking has seen a similar change.  I found myself making things I knew he liked and making a lot of it.  We had gotten into a rut and I’m glad we are starting fresh.  That having been said, vegetarians and vegans seem to go to great lengths to maintain their lifestyles.  I have spent countless hours perusing blogs for recipes and these people are serious.  They have a substitute for everything and seem to be fueled by the conviction of their dietary habits.  It’s kind of inspiring.  Kind of.

I haven’t decided how all of this new exposure to food has changed me.  I dream about cheeseburgers on a daily basis.

Since coming off the juice I have been wanting to chew something, anything. I would wake up chewing… nothing. So I figured I would utilize the tofu we purchased and make something that would give me something to chew on. That required some thinking seeing as how tofu has the consistency of pudding at times. I hit the web and scoured until I found something I could get behind. 

We got medium firm tofu and it is best if you press out the liquid before you marinade. Stick it between two plates and put something heavy on top. A lot of liquid comes out, so more room for yummy, non juice marinade.  I marinaded the tofu stuffs for an hour.
 

Preheating the oven at 300 degrees, bake the tofu flipping when the tops start to get dry. The smaller pieces I cut came out a bit chewy on the ends. Cooking at such a low temp can stretch out cooking time to about an hour. I liked it because the garlic and ginger that stuck to the tofu didn’t burn, but caramelized really nicely.
 
I cut up some broccoli and sauteed them in the leftover marinade after adding a tablespoon of honey and equal part olive oil. Just cook for a few minutes until it starts to get tender. I really love beef and broccoli when we get Chinese food because the florets soak up whatever sauce they are in, hence the broccoli in this dish.

Beau was not a fan of the tofu. When I cook for someone I love, it drives me mad when they don’t like the food, regardless of whether it was because of my cooking or the ingredient. So rather then leap over the table and strangle him, I really tasted the tofu and came to the conclusion that it was awesome. I ate his leftover tofu and couldn’t have been happier. I was the fullest I’d been in weeks. In regards to my better half, back to the drawing board

Szechuan Marinade
1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/3 cup of water
4 cloves of garlic minced
1″ of ginger, pealed and minced
2 tablespoons of cayenne

adapted from about.com

We broke the fast!!! The two of us are eating grown up food and everything. Our V-Day, which we are officially celebrating later, was filled with munching on hummus and popcorn. Beau got me a new popcorn machine for Cupid’s Day, so I used it dammit. So yesterday I thought I should make Beau some hummus while he was ice fishing, he loves hummus. I was blending tahini, which is sesame seeds and olive oil, and juicing a lemon and working WAY too hard on hummus. So he gets home and I tell him it is done. The world’s best hummus is ready for ingestion. Since we can’t have bread yet, he piles up a cucumber and digs in. I was sitting there thinking, “I am so good. Best girlfriend ever.” His face looked like I shat in his eyeballs. “It smells like peanut butter.” That’s what he tells me. Well fuck that. I dragged his arse to the kitchen to see of he could do better. He (cough) did. I am a woman of my word and you heard it here. Beau’s hummus was better then mine. DAMMIT!!

Second Place Hummus
1 can of chickpeas (water reserved)
approx. 1/3 cup of lemon juice
1/4 cup of tahini
4 cloves of garlic
1-2 tablespoons of olive oil
1/2 teaspoon of cumin
dash of cayenne
1/2 teaspoon of salt

Tahini
2 cups of sesame seeds
little more than 1/3 cup of olive oil

Toast sesame seeds, but be careful because they can burn if not watched closely. It makes quite a bit, but you can use it for dressings as well. Food pro is a must, these little bastards will not blend in a blender.

Now with hummus, everyone likes there’s different. I made my own tahini and it comes out wicked strong, hence the peanut butter smell Beau was bitching about. Some people roast the garlic, it is all preference.

Smug Hummus
1 can of chickpeas
1/8 cup of tahini, seriously what is the point?
juice of whole lemon
6 cloves minced and sauteed garlic
2 tablespoons of olive oil
1 tablespoon of red pepper flakes
small handful of sunflower seeds

Beau’s came out much creamier because he had an indentured servant hulling his chickpeas for him. Where I used a food pro, he used a blender. Reserving 2 tablespoons of garlic, he took the reserve and sunflower seeds and mixed it into the final blended product whilst drizzling olive oil on the top. It looked pretty even though it was in an old Parmesan plastic container. We are nothing but classy.

image by msmornington

So I have seen the different TMI Thursdays on different blogs most notably the very fun LiLu. So I never have anything to share that I wouldn’t cringe posting… until today. Muah ah ah!!!

I have been doing this damn juice fast for a week or so and one of the things that was recommended was regular butt cleaning. Not the baby wipe sort of cleaning, I’m talking about colonic/enema, butt hole invasion cleaning. God, Beau is going to be so mortified that I am sharing this. Now I was excited to get my first colonic, they are good for detox and it gets all the gunk that builds up out of your colon.

So arriving to the colonic therapist’s office, I was stoked. When my name was called I was ushered into a room, so I got undressed and robed up for my very nice hydro therapist, Katie. To get started she rubbed olive oil on my no no area. The last thing I would use olive oil for and I will be seeing that bottle in a whole different way. So she inserts the tube and in my over zealous nature I ask her, “Is it in far enough?” (face palm) She laughed and said no one had ever asked her that before. Well, duh she had never cleansed a lady of my caliber and grace.

Getting your colon cleansed, you really want to see what comes out of there. My eyes were glued to the machine and let out a little cheer when Katie told me I had released a Milk Dud. (giggle) Now leading up to the fast I had been pooping rabbit pellets and I thought they were the cutest version of poop one could ask for, but those damn Milk Duds ended up being the ban of my existence during my colonic. Part of the colonic is flushing in with water and then flushing out the water, but there was a problem with my flushing out. The rabbit poops were blocking the tube and wouldn’ come out! Katie pulled the tube out of my arse and I hightailed it to the toilet to release said pellets. I felt a lot better when I got back and we started the process all over again. For about 2 minutes. Until I had more poop blockage. Katie informed me that dairy hardens your poop and the water just couldn’t break it down. ARGH! So Tube once again came out and I ran to the toilet again. I was crimson, but Katie assured me there was nothing to be embarrassed about… until the third poop barricade. My hydro therapist told me I officially broke the record for most stops during a procedure.

I’m not een going to tell you about the evacuation that happened the third time. I was visibly shaken and traumatized when done. And also a pound lighter. Seriously I weighed my self. So I returned to the room and she was packing up. She had had enough and probably needed a drink. After I got dressed and asked her if I could request her again. She said I didn’t have to. I don’t think she likes overachievers with fat colons.

Trying new things can be a daunting experience. The fear and apprehension can grip your senses like a vise. Nonetheless, in the past two weeks I done quite a few things for the first time. This juice fast was the first. I posted earlier about the pre fast, but I don’t think I mentioned how great I felt pre fasting. I had clarity of mind and was flying high. A diet of fruit and veg was quite nourishing. Getting into the actual fast was a whole other story…

The diet I am on is outlined from the book JUICE FASTING & DETOXIFICATION by Steve Meyerowitz. He details everything from what to juice you should drink to what equipment to purchase. He gives a realistic take on what your body can handle and the benefits and dangers of such a regime. Now I think I was too cavalier going in to fully grasp what I was doing. Up until then I was stuffing my face full of calories and then BLAMO! a diet of less than 800 calories a day, easy.

The first few days became a blur. I was a juicing machine and the novelty of the whole process kept me going. It wasn’t until my first morning of detox that I hated the world and mostly myself. Through the various green tinged juices I drank, my body was and is cleansing itself. Those toxins gotta come out sometime. I was sweating with fever which would immediately be replaced with a horrible chill. I was too weak to lift my head and I cried a little. Really, little tears came out on the pillow and everything. Beau made me some juice and I fell back to sleep. A few hours later I felt right as rain confusingly enough. The next morning wasn’t as bad, but I was dizzy enough to fall down the damn stairs. The remedy? More (cringe) juice.

Even though the detox has passed, I still have these horrible mood swings. Beau has been dealing with headaches and the occasional grumpiness. As I write this I am on Day 9 and I know I won’t make it much longer. 3 cups of juice a day and a couple of bowls of broth do not a happy girl make me. And let me tell you strained miso and veggie broth has never been so delicious. Both were purchased at an organic shop and when cooked with some cayenne, heaven. Regardless, I’m tired of juicing the parsley, celery, lemon, apple, spinach, carrot… I could go on and on. Although the wheatgrass we purchased looks really cool on the counter. Cleaning that damn machine makes me want to throw it out the window. There is a monotony to my life that I have never experienced before… and it kind of sucks.

Don’t get me wrong, to date I have shed 8 delightful pounds and I feel pretty great right now. I know I got some much needed gunk out of my system, partly in thanks to the colonic, enemas and ear candling I have gone through. More of that in future posts. It has opened my eyes to a world that I think I needed to experience to know that I don’t want to experience it again. Beau always says to me, “It’s not for everyone.” No shit. But I am staying true to my commitment until the urge to murder him has reared it’s ugly head. I would quit if I was starving or going mad, luckily all of those feelings have subsided. I’m taking it one mug of soup at a time, but girl cannot live on miso alone.

I knew it was getting bad when my Beau was rubbing up against me the other night, saying I was like a hamburger and he could cover me in his condiment if I wanted. It was a low point for us, even if he thought it was funny.

I know I haven’t been posting as much as I like or should.  I am currently juice fasting and revamping the site as well.  Posts are being worked on along with content, but I am not as computer savvy as I should be.  Hence the work on the site is taking me awhile.  So sorry for the lack of anything readable.  Hopefully I can make the site as great and fun filled as I hope.  Happy reading, happy posting, happy everything! 

Cheers,
OC

image by nicknbecka 

Last night’s episode was salvaged only by the super chic Eric Ripert who makes me giggle when he speaks.  And silver foxes are so yum.  Anderson Cooper (gay… sad), Richard Gere (sans gerbil), sugar daddy’s, French chefs (Ripert in the house!).  I did enjoy the fact that all the dishes were seafood, seeing as how I don’t cook or order fish dishes as much as I should. 

It seems as though the chefs are getting better and I appreciate them more as a whole.  Leah and Jaime were in the bottom two and it was no surprise, it’s just a shame they couldn’t eliminate two.  Jamie knocked all of Chef Ripert’s food the whole episode and although I think she is talented, give me a fucking break.  Top chef challenges are a means to an end, the finale where you can cook anything you want, it doesn’t matter if you like it.  Way to go, you got to go home and Eric Ripert and his “boring” food sent you there.  Leah… yuck, I just want her to leave.  She.  Is.  Boring.  And.  So.  Is.  Her.  Food.

Remember when you were in school and there was always a cool kids table?  They appeared to know so much and seemed to be so much cooler.  Apparently, someone  not only invited Toby Young, but is PAYING him to sit at the cool table.  Argh.  Regardless, the judges were the best part, I enjoyed seeing Tom C’s looks of disdain toward Toby.  Young is proving how ill suited he is to on the fly commentary, when he is so used to having editors proofread his past critiques.  When is Bravo going to realize the boo boo and shoo shoo him out of there?  They can throw Padma out with him, just for good measure.  That’s the episode I want to see, producers chasing Toby and Padma with whisks and knives out the door.