poop time!
image by msmornington

So I have seen the different TMI Thursdays on different blogs most notably the very fun LiLu. So I never have anything to share that I wouldn’t cringe posting… until today. Muah ah ah!!!

I have been doing this damn juice fast for a week or so and one of the things that was recommended was regular butt cleaning. Not the baby wipe sort of cleaning, I’m talking about colonic/enema, butt hole invasion cleaning. God, Beau is going to be so mortified that I am sharing this. Now I was excited to get my first colonic, they are good for detox and it gets all the gunk that builds up out of your colon.

So arriving to the colonic therapist’s office, I was stoked. When my name was called I was ushered into a room, so I got undressed and robed up for my very nice hydro therapist, Katie. To get started she rubbed olive oil on my no no area. The last thing I would use olive oil for and I will be seeing that bottle in a whole different way. So she inserts the tube and in my over zealous nature I ask her, “Is it in far enough?” (face palm) She laughed and said no one had ever asked her that before. Well, duh she had never cleansed a lady of my caliber and grace.

Getting your colon cleansed, you really want to see what comes out of there. My eyes were glued to the machine and let out a little cheer when Katie told me I had released a Milk Dud. (giggle) Now leading up to the fast I had been pooping rabbit pellets and I thought they were the cutest version of poop one could ask for, but those damn Milk Duds ended up being the ban of my existence during my colonic. Part of the colonic is flushing in with water and then flushing out the water, but there was a problem with my flushing out. The rabbit poops were blocking the tube and wouldn’ come out! Katie pulled the tube out of my arse and I hightailed it to the toilet to release said pellets. I felt a lot better when I got back and we started the process all over again. For about 2 minutes. Until I had more poop blockage. Katie informed me that dairy hardens your poop and the water just couldn’t break it down. ARGH! So Tube once again came out and I ran to the toilet again. I was crimson, but Katie assured me there was nothing to be embarrassed about… until the third poop barricade. My hydro therapist told me I officially broke the record for most stops during a procedure.

I’m not een going to tell you about the evacuation that happened the third time. I was visibly shaken and traumatized when done. And also a pound lighter. Seriously I weighed my self. So I returned to the room and she was packing up. She had had enough and probably needed a drink. After I got dressed and asked her if I could request her again. She said I didn’t have to. I don’t think she likes overachievers with fat colons.

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