Panic at the disco
No, I am not talking about the band. Something has been on my mind for a few days. Namely, when am I going to fail at this whole being healthier thing? I am sore from my workout yesterday, God knows why, it was a breeze when I did it. I am menu planning healthier options for meals for Beau and I, with some excitement. I do love to cook, meat product or not. So there should be things to keep me occupied instead of plotting my downfall. But I feel like maybe I already am.
Every weekend it seems there is something going on, something to celebrate. I know I love a party, but it feels like I can’t be that girl that slams shots till 2 am. Not if I expect to change anything. I can’t eat 1500 calories a day just so I can drink another 2000. Maybe an exxageration, I’ve never counted the calories of my drinks for fear of fainting. So I guess that leaves the sensible option. Be a good girl. Don’t overindulge with the fun shots or the need to stay out all night.
Here is my question. When did I decide that I NEEDED to be out all the time? Why can’t I be at home with my wonderful man, who by the way hates when I go out during the week. I am usually home a soggy mess, way past my bedtime. At some point in my life I made the decision to be a bar rat. Maybe it’s because I didn’t have anywhere else to go for so long. Too many cities, not enough friends. But my life is different now, so why hasn’t anything changed?
I am supposed to have plans tonight. So I am throwing down a mini challenge. Have my fun, try not to be such a mess. Since these are baby steps, try to be home before I feel the need to eat something fried. Try anything different then what I have been doing. Needless to say, I’m a little scared. I know I can do it, trouble is, do I want to?
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