Trying new things can be a daunting experience. The fear and apprehension can grip your senses like a vise. Nonetheless, in the past two weeks I done quite a few things for the first time. This juice fast was the first. I posted earlier about the pre fast, but I don’t think I mentioned how great I felt pre fasting. I had clarity of mind and was flying high. A diet of fruit and veg was quite nourishing. Getting into the actual fast was a whole other story…

The diet I am on is outlined from the book JUICE FASTING & DETOXIFICATION by Steve Meyerowitz. He details everything from what to juice you should drink to what equipment to purchase. He gives a realistic take on what your body can handle and the benefits and dangers of such a regime. Now I think I was too cavalier going in to fully grasp what I was doing. Up until then I was stuffing my face full of calories and then BLAMO! a diet of less than 800 calories a day, easy.

The first few days became a blur. I was a juicing machine and the novelty of the whole process kept me going. It wasn’t until my first morning of detox that I hated the world and mostly myself. Through the various green tinged juices I drank, my body was and is cleansing itself. Those toxins gotta come out sometime. I was sweating with fever which would immediately be replaced with a horrible chill. I was too weak to lift my head and I cried a little. Really, little tears came out on the pillow and everything. Beau made me some juice and I fell back to sleep. A few hours later I felt right as rain confusingly enough. The next morning wasn’t as bad, but I was dizzy enough to fall down the damn stairs. The remedy? More (cringe) juice.

Even though the detox has passed, I still have these horrible mood swings. Beau has been dealing with headaches and the occasional grumpiness. As I write this I am on Day 9 and I know I won’t make it much longer. 3 cups of juice a day and a couple of bowls of broth do not a happy girl make me. And let me tell you strained miso and veggie broth has never been so delicious. Both were purchased at an organic shop and when cooked with some cayenne, heaven. Regardless, I’m tired of juicing the parsley, celery, lemon, apple, spinach, carrot… I could go on and on. Although the wheatgrass we purchased looks really cool on the counter. Cleaning that damn machine makes me want to throw it out the window. There is a monotony to my life that I have never experienced before… and it kind of sucks.

Don’t get me wrong, to date I have shed 8 delightful pounds and I feel pretty great right now. I know I got some much needed gunk out of my system, partly in thanks to the colonic, enemas and ear candling I have gone through. More of that in future posts. It has opened my eyes to a world that I think I needed to experience to know that I don’t want to experience it again. Beau always says to me, “It’s not for everyone.” No shit. But I am staying true to my commitment until the urge to murder him has reared it’s ugly head. I would quit if I was starving or going mad, luckily all of those feelings have subsided. I’m taking it one mug of soup at a time, but girl cannot live on miso alone.

I knew it was getting bad when my Beau was rubbing up against me the other night, saying I was like a hamburger and he could cover me in his condiment if I wanted. It was a low point for us, even if he thought it was funny.

I know I haven’t been posting as much as I like or should.  I am currently juice fasting and revamping the site as well.  Posts are being worked on along with content, but I am not as computer savvy as I should be.  Hence the work on the site is taking me awhile.  So sorry for the lack of anything readable.  Hopefully I can make the site as great and fun filled as I hope.  Happy reading, happy posting, happy everything! 

Cheers,
OC

image by nicknbecka 

Last night’s episode was salvaged only by the super chic Eric Ripert who makes me giggle when he speaks.  And silver foxes are so yum.  Anderson Cooper (gay… sad), Richard Gere (sans gerbil), sugar daddy’s, French chefs (Ripert in the house!).  I did enjoy the fact that all the dishes were seafood, seeing as how I don’t cook or order fish dishes as much as I should. 

It seems as though the chefs are getting better and I appreciate them more as a whole.  Leah and Jaime were in the bottom two and it was no surprise, it’s just a shame they couldn’t eliminate two.  Jamie knocked all of Chef Ripert’s food the whole episode and although I think she is talented, give me a fucking break.  Top chef challenges are a means to an end, the finale where you can cook anything you want, it doesn’t matter if you like it.  Way to go, you got to go home and Eric Ripert and his “boring” food sent you there.  Leah… yuck, I just want her to leave.  She.  Is.  Boring.  And.  So.  Is.  Her.  Food.

Remember when you were in school and there was always a cool kids table?  They appeared to know so much and seemed to be so much cooler.  Apparently, someone  not only invited Toby Young, but is PAYING him to sit at the cool table.  Argh.  Regardless, the judges were the best part, I enjoyed seeing Tom C’s looks of disdain toward Toby.  Young is proving how ill suited he is to on the fly commentary, when he is so used to having editors proofread his past critiques.  When is Bravo going to realize the boo boo and shoo shoo him out of there?  They can throw Padma out with him, just for good measure.  That’s the episode I want to see, producers chasing Toby and Padma with whisks and knives out the door.

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I am a bit of a piggy.  I am the girl that wakes up ravenous and makes some ridiculous non-breakfast meal, sits on the couch to turn on CSI Wherever and then proceeds to stuff said food into my face.  And I love it.  It tastes so good when it hits my lips!!  But I love myself as well.  It took me awhile to get to this place, but I care about my body.  You would never know by the amount of booze and cigs I suck down.  So when Beau told me about his juice fast I was intrigued.  I wanted to support him and I figured making dinner for myself while juicing his was not the way to go.  So I was on board although I had no clue what I was in for.  I figured this experience would bring me closer to my healthier, more wholesome self.

I am now on the last day of my prefast and I feel pretty great.  I have rekindles my romance with frozen peas.  The fruit and veg we juice always tastes pretty scrumptious.  I haven’t really posted too much, because I didn’t know how I felt about it or if I would run screaming for the nearest Fat Donald’s.  Now that I am in the trenches of juicedom, I feel kind of ashamed.  Ashamed for how I ate and how disconnected I felt from my food.  There are so many of us who love to cook and love the taste and spice and colours.  But I realize I had lost that loving feeling.  (cue Everly Brothers)  I had become a semi-foodie whore.  Of course I always want the food to taste good, but I was drifting to the dark side where Darth Vadar is a pretty presentation and Darth Maul is the latest foodie trend.  I am not an expert nor a professional chef, so what the fuck is my problem?  Why has my food become so serious and I along with it? 

I am tasting my food these past few days and the biggest change hasn’t been the amount of snot that has been dripping from my nose (which has been an obscene amount) or the weight I have already lost cause I’m an oinks, but how excited I am to jump start the team that cooks with me, my stomach and my heart.  Little did I know, but this juice fast is giving me the sort of clarity that will help me be a better cook, eater and all around cuddly person. 

I haven’t even started the hardcore part of the juice fast, but I feel confident.  I may feel completely different at the conclusion of JuiceFest 2009.  I know the physical benefits will be a big plus which is always a good thing, but I want to have learned something, anything and if it takes a bunch of juice so be it.  Bring it on!  When all this is said and done I am ready to get back in the kitchen, if she will still have me.

image by MyAngelG

I am bitch slapping Day 2 of Juice Fest.  Granted it is still pre-fast, but I haven’t started speaking in tongues or tackling people for their bagels. Yesterday ended in a meal of steamed brussels, pears and peas. Finished off with lemon juice, garlic and ginger, it wasn’t too bad. I wish I had left out the ginger. You win some, you lose some.

Today I can only eat raw fruit and veg with water and juices. Seriously, juicing is kind of fun. Making all the flavour combos makes you taste each individual ingredient. I have been really careful to make sure I get all the nutrient rich combos without it tasting like elephant bottom. Everyone knows how bad elephant butt tastes.

What I’ve eaten today: A juice of carrots, spinach, alfalfa sprouts and grapes. Handful each of grapes, celery and carrots.

What I wish I was eating: Hmm. A nice creamy soup. Maybe of the chowder variety. Crunchy Italian bread. Mmm.

 
image by bjortklingd

I am eating a bowl of about 10 raw button mushrooms.  I have already eaten 3 apples.  I am doing okay so far.  Hydrating is the name of the game and this game fucking SUCKS!!  But I am being careful and reading everything I can about juice fasting.  All I can do is stay focused and try and not eat the fridge.  The beautiful, beautiful fridge.  So strong and big and full.  Full of delicious things that are calling at me as I type.  But I am strong dammit.  STRONG. 

What I’ve eaten so far:  3 apples.  10 mushrooms. 

What I wish I was eating:  A roast beef and cheese sandwich.  Horseradish cream.  Wheat bread.  (sigh)

It is no surprise to me that the day I start this juice thang, Denny’s is giving away free food. “Hey there lady who can’t eat anything but fruit and veg, we are giving away pancakes and bacon!” It’s like they are giving me the finger. It hurts.

image by aNantaB

In a haze I see my hand going up and down, up and down.  My body is tired and weak, but I can’t stop.  My mouth is in constant motion, my jaw feels as though it will become unhinged.  I am starting to feel real pain.  My weapon of choice… tortilla chip. 

I have had a tummy ache for about a day and half.  The Superbowl turned me into some crazed cheese fueled loon.  We had about dozen people over for the big game and 3, count it 3, different cheese dips.  No doubt they were delicious: spinach and artichoke, queso and a cheesy jalapeno spread.  Now we had a lot of other food, but for some reason the cheese was calling to me.  The oh so sweet song of indigestion. 

I am now a useless lump on the couch.  But I am also a lump that just went shopping for a whole garden’s worth of fruit and veg.  The beau and I are starting a juice diet.  Tomorrow.  I feel excited, like I may poop my pants.  It could be from the cheese, but I am thinking it is anticipation.  Now I read a book on it, but a single book does not an expert make me.  But the beau has done this a few times, and the promise of shedding some weight has made me his minion… and sex slave.  But apparently while fasting you aren’t allowed to exert too much energy so… well we’ll see I suppose. 

I’m not going to push it.  Tomorrow starts the pre fast and I am going to take it easy peasy lemon sqeezey.  I’m not trying to damage something permanently, I just want to try it and be cleansed.  Doesn’t that sound nice?  Cleansed.  I won’t be cooking any meals for awhile, but I will be drinking food and not drinking booze.  Enjoy the ride, I will be posting the craziness.  Do you think my skin will turn orange from too much carrot juice?

 
image by Bohman

There is an ABC game going on and brookem assigned me the letter W.   She informed me I was lucky seeing as how it was the last before the letters start to get ridonkulous.  X, Y and Z are going to have to be pretty creative.  Muah ah ah!!

image by stopmangohome

The great thing about cooking shows is getting commentary and info from amazing chefs and professionals.  What the hell is Padma Lakshmi doing on Top Chef?  Is she a chef?  No.  Is she a restaurateur?  No.  Was she in the movie Glitter with Mariah Cary?  Yes.

I understand wanting the host to be a beautiful woman, but to food-centric viewers, that sometimes isn’t enough.  I cringe every time she says something, because I know her opinion doesn’t mean shit to me.  I’ve commented on other blogs of my disdain for her and some think I’m nuts.  Well I’m not a dude and I don’t want to sleep with her.  Why is she a judge?  If she was merely the host I’d shut the fuck up.  But no, she gets to have a say and her say sucks.  The panel is full of people with culinary experience and she peddles I Love Padma t shirts for Bravo.  She is the only judge not to blog on the show on the Bravo site.  I guess dating old millionaires is fucking hard work.  She’s trying to earn a living I suppose. 

The woman has a cook book out.  “Easy Exotic: A Model’s Low-fat Recipes From Around The World”.  Awesome.  Is it just pages of doing coke in foreign countries?  What do models eat?  So when the Top Chef gravy train runs dry, can we expect her on the Food Network?  They seem to like giving shows to just about anyone lately.   

I’m watching Top Chef tonight, I keep hoping one night I’ll tune in and Bravo will have gotten a clue.  I just have to repeat it one more time.  She was in the movie Glitter with Mariah Carey.  Yikes.

When you cook for someone on their birthday, you must be prepared for the copious amount of leftovers as well.  Good thing they were BITCHIN!!  Thursday night’s dinner was delicious and fun, spent with good people and good wine. 

We tried singing the Happy Birthday song and someone managed to fuck that up.  They know who they are.  See if we sing for you!

The starter was a creamy zuccini and anchovy soup.  Holy crap this was so good with some crunchy Italian bread.

Nothing says I love you like Chicken Parmigiana.  At least that’s what mine says.  I don’t know about yours.