image by ewen and donabel

My dreams have finally come true. Last night I ate a cheeseburger, okay a half of one. With chips though! Beau and I went to the Lion’s Tap in our hood because the web told me too. Apparently they were ranked high for best burger in the Twin Cities. And they were right, damn they were right. It was everything I thought it would be. (sigh) Regardless, the healthy eating has not stopped. I have been cooking with a vengeance. I have a bunch of pics and recipes to post, so when I can pull my shit together I will do so. For some reason I have been falling into shit and choking on leftovers. Today is a dangerous day for some reason. I am going to go play in a padded room.

Changing your lifestyle is not something to be taken lightly.  When I met the Beau, I was a crazy drinker and could drink him under the table like the sissy he was.  Now our tolerances have met in the middle and I still fall down for no reason, drunk or not.  I changed that part of my life to make room for him and also because no human being wants to cuddle a gal who smells like whiskey… a lot.  Cooking has seen a similar change.  I found myself making things I knew he liked and making a lot of it.  We had gotten into a rut and I’m glad we are starting fresh.  That having been said, vegetarians and vegans seem to go to great lengths to maintain their lifestyles.  I have spent countless hours perusing blogs for recipes and these people are serious.  They have a substitute for everything and seem to be fueled by the conviction of their dietary habits.  It’s kind of inspiring.  Kind of.

I haven’t decided how all of this new exposure to food has changed me.  I dream about cheeseburgers on a daily basis.

Since coming off the juice I have been wanting to chew something, anything. I would wake up chewing… nothing. So I figured I would utilize the tofu we purchased and make something that would give me something to chew on. That required some thinking seeing as how tofu has the consistency of pudding at times. I hit the web and scoured until I found something I could get behind. 

We got medium firm tofu and it is best if you press out the liquid before you marinade. Stick it between two plates and put something heavy on top. A lot of liquid comes out, so more room for yummy, non juice marinade.  I marinaded the tofu stuffs for an hour.
 

Preheating the oven at 300 degrees, bake the tofu flipping when the tops start to get dry. The smaller pieces I cut came out a bit chewy on the ends. Cooking at such a low temp can stretch out cooking time to about an hour. I liked it because the garlic and ginger that stuck to the tofu didn’t burn, but caramelized really nicely.
 
I cut up some broccoli and sauteed them in the leftover marinade after adding a tablespoon of honey and equal part olive oil. Just cook for a few minutes until it starts to get tender. I really love beef and broccoli when we get Chinese food because the florets soak up whatever sauce they are in, hence the broccoli in this dish.

Beau was not a fan of the tofu. When I cook for someone I love, it drives me mad when they don’t like the food, regardless of whether it was because of my cooking or the ingredient. So rather then leap over the table and strangle him, I really tasted the tofu and came to the conclusion that it was awesome. I ate his leftover tofu and couldn’t have been happier. I was the fullest I’d been in weeks. In regards to my better half, back to the drawing board

Szechuan Marinade
1/3 cup low sodium soy sauce
1/3 cup of water
4 cloves of garlic minced
1″ of ginger, pealed and minced
2 tablespoons of cayenne

adapted from about.com

We broke the fast!!! The two of us are eating grown up food and everything. Our V-Day, which we are officially celebrating later, was filled with munching on hummus and popcorn. Beau got me a new popcorn machine for Cupid’s Day, so I used it dammit. So yesterday I thought I should make Beau some hummus while he was ice fishing, he loves hummus. I was blending tahini, which is sesame seeds and olive oil, and juicing a lemon and working WAY too hard on hummus. So he gets home and I tell him it is done. The world’s best hummus is ready for ingestion. Since we can’t have bread yet, he piles up a cucumber and digs in. I was sitting there thinking, “I am so good. Best girlfriend ever.” His face looked like I shat in his eyeballs. “It smells like peanut butter.” That’s what he tells me. Well fuck that. I dragged his arse to the kitchen to see of he could do better. He (cough) did. I am a woman of my word and you heard it here. Beau’s hummus was better then mine. DAMMIT!!

Second Place Hummus
1 can of chickpeas (water reserved)
approx. 1/3 cup of lemon juice
1/4 cup of tahini
4 cloves of garlic
1-2 tablespoons of olive oil
1/2 teaspoon of cumin
dash of cayenne
1/2 teaspoon of salt

Tahini
2 cups of sesame seeds
little more than 1/3 cup of olive oil

Toast sesame seeds, but be careful because they can burn if not watched closely. It makes quite a bit, but you can use it for dressings as well. Food pro is a must, these little bastards will not blend in a blender.

Now with hummus, everyone likes there’s different. I made my own tahini and it comes out wicked strong, hence the peanut butter smell Beau was bitching about. Some people roast the garlic, it is all preference.

Smug Hummus
1 can of chickpeas
1/8 cup of tahini, seriously what is the point?
juice of whole lemon
6 cloves minced and sauteed garlic
2 tablespoons of olive oil
1 tablespoon of red pepper flakes
small handful of sunflower seeds

Beau’s came out much creamier because he had an indentured servant hulling his chickpeas for him. Where I used a food pro, he used a blender. Reserving 2 tablespoons of garlic, he took the reserve and sunflower seeds and mixed it into the final blended product whilst drizzling olive oil on the top. It looked pretty even though it was in an old Parmesan plastic container. We are nothing but classy.

image by msmornington

So I have seen the different TMI Thursdays on different blogs most notably the very fun LiLu. So I never have anything to share that I wouldn’t cringe posting… until today. Muah ah ah!!!

I have been doing this damn juice fast for a week or so and one of the things that was recommended was regular butt cleaning. Not the baby wipe sort of cleaning, I’m talking about colonic/enema, butt hole invasion cleaning. God, Beau is going to be so mortified that I am sharing this. Now I was excited to get my first colonic, they are good for detox and it gets all the gunk that builds up out of your colon.

So arriving to the colonic therapist’s office, I was stoked. When my name was called I was ushered into a room, so I got undressed and robed up for my very nice hydro therapist, Katie. To get started she rubbed olive oil on my no no area. The last thing I would use olive oil for and I will be seeing that bottle in a whole different way. So she inserts the tube and in my over zealous nature I ask her, “Is it in far enough?” (face palm) She laughed and said no one had ever asked her that before. Well, duh she had never cleansed a lady of my caliber and grace.

Getting your colon cleansed, you really want to see what comes out of there. My eyes were glued to the machine and let out a little cheer when Katie told me I had released a Milk Dud. (giggle) Now leading up to the fast I had been pooping rabbit pellets and I thought they were the cutest version of poop one could ask for, but those damn Milk Duds ended up being the ban of my existence during my colonic. Part of the colonic is flushing in with water and then flushing out the water, but there was a problem with my flushing out. The rabbit poops were blocking the tube and wouldn’ come out! Katie pulled the tube out of my arse and I hightailed it to the toilet to release said pellets. I felt a lot better when I got back and we started the process all over again. For about 2 minutes. Until I had more poop blockage. Katie informed me that dairy hardens your poop and the water just couldn’t break it down. ARGH! So Tube once again came out and I ran to the toilet again. I was crimson, but Katie assured me there was nothing to be embarrassed about… until the third poop barricade. My hydro therapist told me I officially broke the record for most stops during a procedure.

I’m not een going to tell you about the evacuation that happened the third time. I was visibly shaken and traumatized when done. And also a pound lighter. Seriously I weighed my self. So I returned to the room and she was packing up. She had had enough and probably needed a drink. After I got dressed and asked her if I could request her again. She said I didn’t have to. I don’t think she likes overachievers with fat colons.

Trying new things can be a daunting experience. The fear and apprehension can grip your senses like a vise. Nonetheless, in the past two weeks I done quite a few things for the first time. This juice fast was the first. I posted earlier about the pre fast, but I don’t think I mentioned how great I felt pre fasting. I had clarity of mind and was flying high. A diet of fruit and veg was quite nourishing. Getting into the actual fast was a whole other story…

The diet I am on is outlined from the book JUICE FASTING & DETOXIFICATION by Steve Meyerowitz. He details everything from what to juice you should drink to what equipment to purchase. He gives a realistic take on what your body can handle and the benefits and dangers of such a regime. Now I think I was too cavalier going in to fully grasp what I was doing. Up until then I was stuffing my face full of calories and then BLAMO! a diet of less than 800 calories a day, easy.

The first few days became a blur. I was a juicing machine and the novelty of the whole process kept me going. It wasn’t until my first morning of detox that I hated the world and mostly myself. Through the various green tinged juices I drank, my body was and is cleansing itself. Those toxins gotta come out sometime. I was sweating with fever which would immediately be replaced with a horrible chill. I was too weak to lift my head and I cried a little. Really, little tears came out on the pillow and everything. Beau made me some juice and I fell back to sleep. A few hours later I felt right as rain confusingly enough. The next morning wasn’t as bad, but I was dizzy enough to fall down the damn stairs. The remedy? More (cringe) juice.

Even though the detox has passed, I still have these horrible mood swings. Beau has been dealing with headaches and the occasional grumpiness. As I write this I am on Day 9 and I know I won’t make it much longer. 3 cups of juice a day and a couple of bowls of broth do not a happy girl make me. And let me tell you strained miso and veggie broth has never been so delicious. Both were purchased at an organic shop and when cooked with some cayenne, heaven. Regardless, I’m tired of juicing the parsley, celery, lemon, apple, spinach, carrot… I could go on and on. Although the wheatgrass we purchased looks really cool on the counter. Cleaning that damn machine makes me want to throw it out the window. There is a monotony to my life that I have never experienced before… and it kind of sucks.

Don’t get me wrong, to date I have shed 8 delightful pounds and I feel pretty great right now. I know I got some much needed gunk out of my system, partly in thanks to the colonic, enemas and ear candling I have gone through. More of that in future posts. It has opened my eyes to a world that I think I needed to experience to know that I don’t want to experience it again. Beau always says to me, “It’s not for everyone.” No shit. But I am staying true to my commitment until the urge to murder him has reared it’s ugly head. I would quit if I was starving or going mad, luckily all of those feelings have subsided. I’m taking it one mug of soup at a time, but girl cannot live on miso alone.

I knew it was getting bad when my Beau was rubbing up against me the other night, saying I was like a hamburger and he could cover me in his condiment if I wanted. It was a low point for us, even if he thought it was funny.

I know I haven’t been posting as much as I like or should.  I am currently juice fasting and revamping the site as well.  Posts are being worked on along with content, but I am not as computer savvy as I should be.  Hence the work on the site is taking me awhile.  So sorry for the lack of anything readable.  Hopefully I can make the site as great and fun filled as I hope.  Happy reading, happy posting, happy everything! 

Cheers,
OC

image by nicknbecka 

Last night’s episode was salvaged only by the super chic Eric Ripert who makes me giggle when he speaks.  And silver foxes are so yum.  Anderson Cooper (gay… sad), Richard Gere (sans gerbil), sugar daddy’s, French chefs (Ripert in the house!).  I did enjoy the fact that all the dishes were seafood, seeing as how I don’t cook or order fish dishes as much as I should. 

It seems as though the chefs are getting better and I appreciate them more as a whole.  Leah and Jaime were in the bottom two and it was no surprise, it’s just a shame they couldn’t eliminate two.  Jamie knocked all of Chef Ripert’s food the whole episode and although I think she is talented, give me a fucking break.  Top chef challenges are a means to an end, the finale where you can cook anything you want, it doesn’t matter if you like it.  Way to go, you got to go home and Eric Ripert and his “boring” food sent you there.  Leah… yuck, I just want her to leave.  She.  Is.  Boring.  And.  So.  Is.  Her.  Food.

Remember when you were in school and there was always a cool kids table?  They appeared to know so much and seemed to be so much cooler.  Apparently, someone  not only invited Toby Young, but is PAYING him to sit at the cool table.  Argh.  Regardless, the judges were the best part, I enjoyed seeing Tom C’s looks of disdain toward Toby.  Young is proving how ill suited he is to on the fly commentary, when he is so used to having editors proofread his past critiques.  When is Bravo going to realize the boo boo and shoo shoo him out of there?  They can throw Padma out with him, just for good measure.  That’s the episode I want to see, producers chasing Toby and Padma with whisks and knives out the door.

image by sota767

I am a bit of a piggy.  I am the girl that wakes up ravenous and makes some ridiculous non-breakfast meal, sits on the couch to turn on CSI Wherever and then proceeds to stuff said food into my face.  And I love it.  It tastes so good when it hits my lips!!  But I love myself as well.  It took me awhile to get to this place, but I care about my body.  You would never know by the amount of booze and cigs I suck down.  So when Beau told me about his juice fast I was intrigued.  I wanted to support him and I figured making dinner for myself while juicing his was not the way to go.  So I was on board although I had no clue what I was in for.  I figured this experience would bring me closer to my healthier, more wholesome self.

I am now on the last day of my prefast and I feel pretty great.  I have rekindles my romance with frozen peas.  The fruit and veg we juice always tastes pretty scrumptious.  I haven’t really posted too much, because I didn’t know how I felt about it or if I would run screaming for the nearest Fat Donald’s.  Now that I am in the trenches of juicedom, I feel kind of ashamed.  Ashamed for how I ate and how disconnected I felt from my food.  There are so many of us who love to cook and love the taste and spice and colours.  But I realize I had lost that loving feeling.  (cue Everly Brothers)  I had become a semi-foodie whore.  Of course I always want the food to taste good, but I was drifting to the dark side where Darth Vadar is a pretty presentation and Darth Maul is the latest foodie trend.  I am not an expert nor a professional chef, so what the fuck is my problem?  Why has my food become so serious and I along with it? 

I am tasting my food these past few days and the biggest change hasn’t been the amount of snot that has been dripping from my nose (which has been an obscene amount) or the weight I have already lost cause I’m an oinks, but how excited I am to jump start the team that cooks with me, my stomach and my heart.  Little did I know, but this juice fast is giving me the sort of clarity that will help me be a better cook, eater and all around cuddly person. 

I haven’t even started the hardcore part of the juice fast, but I feel confident.  I may feel completely different at the conclusion of JuiceFest 2009.  I know the physical benefits will be a big plus which is always a good thing, but I want to have learned something, anything and if it takes a bunch of juice so be it.  Bring it on!  When all this is said and done I am ready to get back in the kitchen, if she will still have me.

image by MyAngelG

I am bitch slapping Day 2 of Juice Fest.  Granted it is still pre-fast, but I haven’t started speaking in tongues or tackling people for their bagels. Yesterday ended in a meal of steamed brussels, pears and peas. Finished off with lemon juice, garlic and ginger, it wasn’t too bad. I wish I had left out the ginger. You win some, you lose some.

Today I can only eat raw fruit and veg with water and juices. Seriously, juicing is kind of fun. Making all the flavour combos makes you taste each individual ingredient. I have been really careful to make sure I get all the nutrient rich combos without it tasting like elephant bottom. Everyone knows how bad elephant butt tastes.

What I’ve eaten today: A juice of carrots, spinach, alfalfa sprouts and grapes. Handful each of grapes, celery and carrots.

What I wish I was eating: Hmm. A nice creamy soup. Maybe of the chowder variety. Crunchy Italian bread. Mmm.